Umm, communication has been low, lately. Sorry about that. I have had a lot of comments I have not yet replied to, and some notes I am late replying to as well. Very sorry folks. I am going to try and get to some of them now; my head has been full with a lot of stuff lately and it's about to explode, so even though it's late I'm going to get some of this done, so I know I have spoken to who I need to
Thanks for the comments and stuff, they are appreciated. I've had a few messages regarding my upcoming birthday, and also some very nice messages concerning some of the problems I've had recently, so thanks for all of that, even if I haven't (and maybe may never) reply! Just gonna leave that behind me. As for my Birthday, I'm looking forward to it. I get a chance to take a day off, so yeah, brain shut down severely needed.
Speaking of which;
Firstly, house is finished!! Workmen gone!!
Now I have to re-decorate....
I posted a message on my Facebook the other week, just about how I felt about my artwork. My current ability, my skill, how much I practice, what I still can't do, how I feel it doesn't...'represent' me etc. The thing is, nothing gets me down more than lacking confidence or purpose in my art. It's all I have. It's, ultimately, all I can count on. It's all I've ever truly dedicated my time to. It's the reason I have so many other problems in my life...my social skills are awful, my time spent outside or with friends barely exists, my constant attempts to learn Japanese...what I'm saying is it's the one true constant in my life. the one thing I love without even trying. The one thing I do or think about without...thinking. It's, quite literally, me. And I'm questioning it.
Some very helpful friends posted messages I truly appreciated; they reminded me I am so hard on myself when it comes to my art because I want nothing but perfection, my passion allows for nothing but my best, and if I don't achieve it I am hard on myself because I want to be better. This is something I won't let go. I'll kick my own ass time and again, because I am not living a life where I don't draw, and I am definitely not living a life where I draw any less than my current potential. This...of course...is hard on the brain. I've hit that limit again...I need to grow again...I'm feeling I don't quite have the space.
As for the above mentioned problems; people freak me out. I don't know what it is...it's like I only have a small piece of space in my brain I can give to it (relationships, friends etc) and once it's used up I need to escape (to the paper, of course)
Learning Japanese; I've put myself back on full study. One hour a day. I've done it off and on for a long time, even took classes (of course, classes means people...you see where that bombed...) I have a natural grasp for it, I watch Japanese TV all the time, listen to music, so the language and it's words are not alien. But I need to learn and keep vocab, I need to stop dropping the ball on sentence structure. I just want to learn how to communicate with these people. I need...I need to bust out of all this frustration. I need to break out my ball.
Be damned if I know what that bloody something is.
Head space, full. Ability to communicate, shot. CPU crash imminent.
Wants the fun back. Wants to talk to his Japanese friends. Wants to draw like me.
I just wish the wall I've been chipping away at would break already.
Tell you what, let's get some talking going. How do you feel about your art? Does it feel like you? I'm not talking 'skill'. The feeling you have in it, the look, the atmosphere it gives off-is it you? Are you achieving what you want? And do you wish to improve? Also, in terms of skill, do you feel your current level is adequate for the time you have spent on your art?
When answering, try not to compare yourself to someone else. This is about being in competition with yourself. There will always be someone better, as there will always be someone worse.
Peace out, folks.
Commissions in progress;
All regulars and specials are closed
Below are the current lists which are in progress
1: paid, 1 reference sheet: Near complete
3: in progress
1: : done
2: in progress